Imagine feeling fully supported by your partner while using similar strategies and aligned thinking to support your struggling teen to find their way.
“I was going through a very rough patch with my son… His dad was ballistic, but I shared your videos and got him on board with staying curious and keeping the communication lines open. Our son has done a 180° – broke up with his girlfriend and slowly found his self-worth. THANK YOU!!” – Tatiana S.
This is far from the experience many Moms (and some Dads) share with me. Parenting teens is already isolating trying to avoid shaming from all angles. When you’re left holding the bag because your partner isn’t willing to engage, the mental load and desperation feels crushing.
“The other day my daughter told me she will always love us forever yet she doesn’t “like” her Dad… I can see why my daughter struggles with him too. He has expectations, he is very sarcastic and we joke that he can be petty and has a hard time letting things go.”
This caring, courageous mama had tried everything she knew to help her daughter through school avoidance, significant anxiety, escalated outbursts, and constant lying, but nothing seemed to calm the storm for more than a few days and her daughter wasn’t getting better.
“I could use some support or maybe a shoulder to lean on…”
There were letters home from school, medical appointments, daily power struggles and escalations, another sibling, a household to run, work to manage, etc,.
“This of course is crushing to me.”
When she came to my program and learned how to connect with her daughter, they were both calmer, had more open, respectful conversations, and worked together to improve her mental health. Her daughter started therapy, returned to school and ….
… her husband took note of these significant changes. He started using the same strategies and the tools to take an active role in supporting his daughter AND his wife.
“Thanks Aly Pain for the great feedback and advice … regarding my husband and the stand off he had going on with my daughter.
I had a few conversations with my husband and helped him feel heard and asked him to have a vulnerable conversation with our daughter. It took longer to get it to happen but it did today.
He expressed his frustration around how he feels like she is always “ yelling” and she said she didn’t feel safe. There were tears and she expressed how she felt like a failure. Right after that we headed to the kitchen to make cookies together. Lol.
I told them we’ll have weekly family meetings… and we each get a turn leading…”
Their daughter shared this a few months later…
“I love my parents, last couple of years I wouldn’t have said the same thing. And I’m glad I’m healthy enough to be able to interact with them without being a b!tch! My dad and mom make me laugh and annoyed, but at the end of the day they are my parents and they are the best people in my life, they want to see me succeed and are always on my side. I love you mom and dad <3.”
Getting your partner on your team to parent as a united front doesn’t have to feel like a lost cause.
“Thank you so much for the laughs & more importantly the sound advice,… Your tips for teens really help me and genuinely work. When I read your advice I say to my husband “watch this” and I’ll say something you’ve said and it actually bloody works thank you so much. I really appreciate it.” – Jo
Disconnected Dads are a generational crisis in many homes today perpetuating the cycle of Father wounding – absenteeism, whether emotionally or both emotionally and physically, and/or being very critical, negative and even abusive, leading to emotionally disconnected boys who grow up to be the husbands and Dads you’re so frustrated with.
As a boy mom whose husband was out of the country for extended periods and worked long hours at home, and coming from a typical GenX childhood with an emotionally absent father, I’m poignantly aware of this cycle.
1. The Legacy of Emotional Disconnect
Boys are raised without the same permission to explore and express emotions, including different emotional intelligence expectations than girls. By the age of 5 young boys are told to not express fear or sadness, learning that the vulnerability is weak and bad, and those feelings are reserved for girls.
At 15 years old, the second distinct marker of denying vulnerability and authenticity shows up as adolescent boys choose a path of connection with themselves and others, or being tough and cool, believing they’re more attractive to romantic partners and emotionally safe exerting power over others.
For your son, It’s all about feeling safe and fitting in with friends and family by modelling what they see most from those two groups. Fitting in is counterfeit, faking it, and masking. Humans are wired to seek true belonging, requiring vulnerability, authenticity and connection, which is necessary for the healthy functioning of our brains.
These youth become dads, often struggling to engage emotionally in their children’s lives, leaving a significant gap where mothers feel the burden of parenting solo, despite being in a partnership.
2. The Impact on Sons and the Perpetuation of the Cycle
Your son is watching. He internalises the dynamics between parents, learning what it means to be a man in the process. When his father remains emotionally distant, it sends a powerful message about what is expected from men in terms of emotional availability and vulnerability, and how he views his role in future relationships. Boys lacking emotional awareness and intelligence seek partners who over-function for them, mirroring the dynamic they witnessed between their parents. It’s a sobering thought that by not addressing the disconnect now, you risk perpetuating the same cycle you’re married to and trying to parent from.
3. The Call for Change and the Role of Empathy
Finally, the call for change is clear. It’s about breaking the cycle and fostering environments where emotional intelligence is normal and nurtured from a young age. Encouraging dads to engage more deeply with their emotions and their families requires empathy and understanding. Recognizing their fear and discomfort that comes with venturing into unfamiliar emotional territory is the first step. Empathy for your partner’s frame of ‘normal’ is not an excuse for inaction, rather an invitation for growth. Unlearning deeply ingrained behaviors and beliefs is daunting, yet the proven rewards of improved mental health and more connected families are immeasurable.
It’s not because Dads don’t care
This isn’t about placing blame for lack of engagement, but instead understanding the roots of these behaviors as the cycle of disconnect and emotional suppression begins so early.
If you’re feeling the strain of disconnected dynamics in your home, know that you’re not alone.
The Empowered Parent Mastermind enrollment closed last week. But…
.. I’m offering access to the same proven strategies, powerful content, and guaranteed results, plus 6 months of daily support in my private community with 12 LIVE Q&A sessions, AND a 30 minute private coaching session with me for HALF THE PRICE, but only until Saturday at midnight (weekly zoom calls not included)!
You can break the cycle of disconnection with your son, in your family and future generations so authentic, emotional expression, open conversations, and meaningful connection are part of your legacy. Click below now and register before this offer ends at midnight on Saturday.
