How did your teen get so lazy and self centred with selective hearing and poor memory?
It’s in one ear and out the other!
Them: “I forgot.”
You: “No you didn’t. You just chose not to do it.”
Almost like they’re ignoring you on purpose. 🤔
They have selective hearing and forget simple things you just asked them to do a minute ago.
So what do you do when constant consequences aren’t getting them to listen?
Here’s my 3 practical tips for dealing with your teen's forgetfulness:
1. Understand the Role of Working Memory: Forgetfulness in teens, especially those with ADHD, is often linked to how working memory functions. It’s important to know that forgetfulness isn’t a sign of defiance or disrespect, but rather a function of how your teen’s brain manages and recalls information. This includes hours of learning and listening at school, writing exams, and doing homework. Understanding your teen’s brain and the massive development phase that often leads to overwhelm can help reduce frustration.
2. Simplify Tasks and Instructions: Your teen’s brain isn’t like yours so tasks you do without thinking aren’t second nature yet. Giving them complex or multi-step instructions can be overwhelming and frustrating so they don’t start.
- One request at a time, not a long list
- Less words, less detail, no explanations or justifications
- Clear and specific – what does done look like? By when?
- Choose your medium – verbal, texts, written notes
- Timing – allow decompression time after school and not while playing video games or focused on their phone
3. Create Consistent Routines and Use Sensory Cues: Incorporating tasks into a regular schedule can make it easier for your teen to remember like before or after dinner. Additionally, using sensory cues like alarms, timers, sticky notes, or other tactile reminders can help reinforce time management. Empower your teen to choose and create their cues as part of the process or they’ll resist because they feel treated like a child.
The ADHD factor
Working memory is part of the impaired executive function wiring so the ADHD brain can go blank on the way to perform a task and while doing the task itself. It’s like a computer with sketchy wifi so your teen might be more chaotic, random, or disorganised.
It takes patience to keep instructions simple, build up slowly, and balance predictable routines without suffocating structure. Your job is to help your ADHD teen develop the brain they have, not discipline them into being like other kids their age.
Your teen will build habits faster when you’re consistent with these tips, remembering that learning requires failure to build confidence and internal activation. Encouragement without rescuing is far more effective than more reminders or consequences.
Raising a respectful human who can follow instructions is exactly what I’ve helped thousands of caring parents to do using my proven 3-step framework.
Click below now to watch my free training and see how my framework lowers stress and rebuilds connection through challenging teen years.
