Happy New Year!
Is it just me or does seeing and writing 2-0-2-4 feel futuristic? I mean, I remember when….
Good grief I’m getting old! 😂😬
Thank God I’m never too old to grow, learn, and heal.
TLDR; scroll down to register for my LIVE Masterclass January 17th!
I talk about emotional regulation a lot and how your teen’s reactive brain doesn’t have this skill, so they need you to model it first. Just like many essentials of parenting, you need to teach what you didn’t learn…
My experience of emotional regulation was like a forced calm – holding the lid on a simmering pot until it would boil over into an emotional explosion. No repair, just repeat.
Looking back on decades of eagerly pursuing healing, and the release of trauma, pain, and old programing… I don’t think I was ever really regulated.
In my early 20’s I noticed I didn’t fully breathe unless I was doing a rhythmic cardio like running or rollerblading. Instead, I’m usually holding my breath in a 50% exhale with just enough shallow sips to avoid from hyperventilating, like when I start driving and takes me 5-10 minutes to calm down.
In late January last year, while days away from kicking off my busiest season, I woke up feeling calm. That might sound odd, but for much of my life I’ve woken to anxiety or worry as the first thing across my mental ticker tape (likely correlated to not breathing).
That morning it was gone. Like Emmett’s brain in the Lego movie, there was nothing. It was strangely beautiful.
Then I noticed I was breathing. Slowly…, fully…, effortlessly. My body was calm.
What was this magical peace my body achieved? And how do I stay here?
About 14 days later, it was gone as mysteriously as it came. Finding my way back was my focus in 2023, and I’m deeply grateful I did that and so much more.
Based on what was modeled for me, I thought calm WAS regulated, but there was distinct difference.
Calm was an exterior appearance covering an internal chaos. I didn’t trust it even though I craved it, remaining hypervigilant to signs of change to react and stay safe.
Regulation feels more like an internalized calm where my nervous system and emotions are integrated even when I’m feeling deeply. From this place I respond.
Don’t think I’m all Zen and talk like Morgan Freeman in your meditation app. I didn’t vote my emotions off the island, I brought them back from exile and abandonment.
It wasn’t a fairy tale reunion like an episode of Long Lost Family.
This process felt more like Elsa running headfirst into the North Sea and having an epic battle with Nokk, the water horse, who repeatedly tries to buck her off and drown her. Reuniting with the most terrified part of myself lasted 90 days with just as much water (tears, snot, and sweat, mostly on my yoga mat). Every day going back in, knowing the only path was through it.
I’m in my toddler days of regulation, like having wobbly legs and learning to walk again, connecting to what feels true, rebuilding trust, advocating, and setting better boundaries. I’m less reactive yet emotional and exhausted from the process.
Advocacy, building trust, and setting boundaries - they all start with clear communication.
Being regulated is the beginning of getting your teen to hear you. There are secrets to piercing their pre-occupied brain to avoid the frustration of being blown off, and I’m sharing them in my upcoming free masterclass on January 17th.
5 Secrets To Get Your Teen To Listen The First Time… without constant reminding and nagging
In our hour together, you’ll learn how you’ve unconsciously taught your teen to ignore you, and why yelling, monitoring, and constant feedback won’t restore respect or get more action.
I’ll share my top 5 secrets to making requests and feeling heard the first time, so your teen takes you seriously and even does simple tasks on their own, rebuilding trust faster. 🤯 You’ll leave with powerful tips you can use to quickly see the change you both want.
“Requested to take garbage out and put dishes in dishwasher … and it got done.” – Carrie F.
“I asked all the kids to please tidy their rooms … I woke up this morning to my daughter who had tidied her room through the night all by herself!!! Thank you!” – Lisa D.
Emotional regulation in your relationship with your teen begins with communication. You’ll feel calmer in your home with mutual respect as a foundation for more positive change in 2024.
Click below to get your spot in my LIVE Masterclass January 17th, that will quickly change how you ask so your teen listens.
Knowing how to ask is just the beginning of less frustration and yelling with more time to connect. Click the pink button above to get your spot and I’ll see you on the 17th.