What if…

… your teen took responsibility and made better choices after one conversation.

“Just practiced using a script with my teen who stayed at his friend’s without permission…. He eventually apologized and I was able to leave the issue and not lose my temper and feel outraged. Felt good!” – Belinda

But how is that teaching anything?!

You hate getting into constant power struggles, but your teen is pushing the boundaries of basic respect for other people in your house and you’re not okay with them thinking that’s okay or that they can get away with it.

Because good parents teach their kids right from wrong.

You respond to their lack of respect with consequences, but it doesn’t seem to matter. Those only work for a month (or less) to deter it from happening again. It’s like being stuck on a hamster wheel, going around and around but never really getting anywhere.

Is your teen abnormally defiant or just plain stupid? I mean, when you’re drawing hard lines without seeing significant change, what else are you supposed to do?

Different. Just trying something different.

YES! And no.

Without a frame of reference or proven structure to follow, your brain hears different and immediately does the opposite. Your parenting swings from authoritarian requiring instant obedience and compliance into permissiveness (often confused with gentle parenting), creating an equally unbalanced power dynamic with your teen walking all over you.

Now you’re worrying…

“… am I neglecting my job as a parent by doing the hard work of setting him straight? Am I spoiling him?”

You need to rebuild respect FAST yet you’re feeling like a prison guard trying to stop complete anarchy.

The Big Book of Consequences

Effective discipline would be so much easier if there were a comprehensive guide where you could flip to page 73 and find the exact consequence for when your teen rolls their eyes at family dinner or stays out past curfew. The elusive search for the perfect consequence every time your teen missteps is exhausting and only keeps you stuck. Why?

Compliance isn’t respect, and connecting isn’t permissive.

Compliance is a need for control, so your teen responds immediately to your request. That’s often based in fear or simply the easy way to avoid losing their phone privilege, not respect. Your teen isn’t learning time management, prioritization, independent skills, or anything requiring internal motivation.

⬆️ What you want is accelerated executive function development like plugging in a phone and getting an instant software update. Your teen’s adult level problem solving, risk analysis, complex decision making (and more) take years to master and they need you as their mentor and trusted advisor.

It’s the connection before, and after the correction, that creates lasting change.

Connecting requires navigating the emotions and beliefs that led to your teen’s choice in the first place, because unfolding that is where change happens. It means approaching your teen’s transgressions with aim to understand what’s lurking beneath and connecting so they feel safe to share honestly. You don’t have to shy away from or go whole hog on doling out consequences when you know they’re only part of the equation.

“Connection is a child’s deepest need and a parent’s highest influence.” Lelia Schott

It’s about finding out why the curfew was broken, not just grounding for the sake of discipline. It’s about understanding the allure of the forbidden, not just confiscating the phone.

Understanding and empathy don’t undermine discipline; they enrich it to rebuild mutual trust and respect within a framework of emotional safety and meaningful conversations. When consequences are necessary, they’re correlated to your teen’s misstep (not a one size-fits all taking their phone or grounding) and set out with a clear understanding of their purpose: to guide, not to punish.

“The other day my naturally wonderful and obedient child suggested that my naturally not obedient sneaky child should have received a longer punishment. I asked what would be the point? Answer: teach her to obey. I explained that I didn’t want to teach her to obey, I wanted to teach her to learn, to think, to anticipate natural consequences and make wiser choices herself. Obeying can only work for so long, in the end she’s going to need life skills.”

The only proven path to mutual respect and raising a responsible, self-aware, emotionally intelligent, and independent adult is knowing that lasting correction is built on understanding and genuine connection, not fear or authority.

Take the first steps on the path to effective discipline and lasting behaviour correction today by clicking below to join my free masterclass and get my proven 3-step framework that’s worked for thousands of caring, courageous parents.

You don’t need the perfect consequence or harsher punishment to see the change you want in your teen. And you can do it without feeling like a pushover! Click the button above to get your spot now.

See you there,