Having real, calm conversations with your teen as if you’re actually on the same page and speaking the same language isn’t just a pipe dream…
…even if the arguing is currently wearing down your patience until you feel raw and reactive.
Let’s get real. If you’ve got a teen at home, you’re no stranger to arguments. Whether it’s about curfew, chores, or that mysterious pile of dirty dishes in their room, it feels like a never-ending battle feeding critical and cutting comments either whispered under your breath or yelling when you’re D-O-N-E.
And it’s not just about the chores or curfew; it’s about feeling heard and respected on both sides.
Why Do We Keep Arguing?
Jennifer found herself here with her 15.5yo son, arguing because they didn’t understand each other, and sad because they couldn’t find their way in a dynamic that seemed to have shifted overnight.
They were stuck in argument loops due to unconscious patterns, like a dance you and your teen are doing but nobody’s having fun 😢. You say one thing, they retort (or ignore you), and before you know it, you’re both spinning in circles. Sound familiar?
Jennifer stopped taking the arguments so personally and started implementing my proven framework to create the change she wanted, rather than waiting for her son to make the first move.
“My son is intelligent and saw my efforts and began meeting me halfway. We have found our way back! We are respecting our journey and communicating again. I’m watching his “teen brain” and respecting when he’s having [messy] moments. Your tools are priceless…, thank you.”
First things first.
Creating emotional safety is key to breaking the cycle. When your teen feels safe to express their messy feelings and thoughts, they’re less likely to go on the defensive. You might think your teen doesn’t want to talk to you, but deep down, they do. They just don’t know how.
You set the tone for this by taking a breath to calm your nervous system and owning your own emotional state to lead by example. Remember, you’re the adult in the room.
Get the antidote.
Reducing conflict doesn’t mean becoming a door mat or tolerating whatever your teen dishes out. Calmer conversations start with getting curious as to WHY your teen is doing or saying what they are, not seeing only WHAT they’re doing.
When your intention is to create understanding (not equal to agreement) conflict has less hold on your relationship. Ask open-ended questions to discover, not dominate, and listen without interrupting to give them your full attention.
Setting Boundaries, Not Walls
Boundaries are not about keeping your teen out or shutting them down; they’re about letting them in and inviting them to share in a respectful container. Teens are emotionally reactive so expecting them to sound or express emotions like an adult is unrealistic.
A well-placed boundary is like a door with a welcome mat. It says, “Come in, and please wipe your feet first.” It’s a sign of mutual respect and understanding.
The Art of Asking
If you’re constantly nagging and they’re not listening, maybe it’s time to change how you’re asking. Use clear, simple language with less words and be specific about what you need. Trust me, it makes a world of difference.
“I’m less demanding, critical, and reactionary, giving less advice and ask more questions. We have open conversations to hear her opinions and she’s calmer and receptive to input without arguing.” – Tracy B.
Arguing with your teen doesn’t have to be a daily ritual eroding connection in your relationship.
Using the same tools Jennifer did, you’ll know how to :
- identify the unconscious patterns keeping you stuck
- create emotional safety
- use curiosity to calm the storm and create understanding
- use clear and simple requests so your teen is more likely to follow through
- set realistic boundaries around emotional expression
Register for my free masterclass to get started now!
You can break the cycle of daily arguments and disconnection, to build a calmer, more respectful relationship with your teen. Feeling heard, less stressed, and even more relaxed in your own home is a click is one away.
See you soon!