Imagine this – You just found out your teen is trying to buy weed, vaping, drinking, skipping school, etc., and you need to shut that down RFN!
Your fear of losing your teen to substance use is valid and real. The need to keep your teen safe takes over and drives you to one solution you likely know well.
‘We’ve made it clear those things aren’t allowed in our home and we’ve raised our teen to know better. We need to draw the line quickly, so they know we’re serious and that behaviour isn’t ok.’
That like trying to put out a fire by capturing the plume of smoke.
Authority, control, and compliance are behaviour modification tools that rely on fear of emotional or physical pain or fear of loss (grounding, taking phones, gaming, etc.), so you gain short term obedience. That approach guarantees greater defiance and disconnection, getting more of the exact thing you’re desperately trying to avoid.
Plus, this thinking assumes your teen took a wrong turn overnight, suddenly forgetting everything you’ve raised them to believe and value. The storm has been brewing under the surface and they masked it with one word answers and relative compliance to throw you off.
“Connection is a child’s deepest need and a parent’s highest influence.” Lelia Schott
Connection is the path to influence, not control or compliance. Emotional connection is likely what you’re trying to achieve but like me, you weren’t taught those skills from your parents or in school. Instead, you do more of what you know.
Your teen is trying to fill, cover or numb an emotional need and they don’t know how to ask for what they need, they just know the desperate pain of not having it. Their brains are more driven by emotions than ever and when they don’t get what they need at home, they’re going to get it elsewhere. This doesn’t mean you’re failing.
Emotional connection is an investment, not a math equation.
You can’t earn connection with your teen by buying them something or saying a few kind words. That’s transactional i.e., if I do this, then you’ll do this, and focuses on behaviour, not the emotion driving it.
Creating emotional connection to lead your teen through a behaviour correction is like investing your money for long term benefits. It’s consistent action over time that creates the change you both want (because your teen DOES want this).
“I don’t have time to wait, this is serious!”
I completely agree so let’s get started.
The Empowered Parent Mastermind is my deep dive program, giving you insights and tools about relationship nuances and parenting dynamics backed by science and my own experience. Over 8 weeks, you get access to a new module each Monday (recorded video with worksheet and resources), plus weekly Zoom calls with me for personalized answers and support to create meaningful connection to shift your relationship with your teen.
I guarantee it.
I’ve helped parents in my programs dramatically reduce their teens dependence on and use of substances including leaving toxic relationships. Although I’m not an addictions specialist, my programs focus on the emotional connection for behavioural change and are endorsed by experts.
Dr. Mike Milobsky – “I’m a Pediatrician and Adolescent Substance Use Program provider in Colorado and refer all my families with teens to look at your programs. Your work is amazing and has been game changing; the single best resource for families our in Adolescent Mental Health Clinic.”
Kriya Lendzion, Adolescent Therapist, Addictions & Prevention Specialist, Drug & Alcohol Educator – “You’re the only person I trust to refer parents to for the emotional work necessary to help their teens because you understand the foundation of healthy relationships at their core.”
Registration is now open for The Empowered Parent Mastermind. Click below to save now and start connecting with your teen rather than controlling them. Program begins April 18th.