1. Cooling the competition: The struggle between siblings to outdo each other or gain favour and closeness from you is normal. When your teens know your love for them can’t be earned or erased in comparison to their sibling, they don’t need to fight for it.
   Verbally affirming your teens once/day in front of the other reduces competition because they’re getting equal amounts without having to fight for it. Be brief and leave 10-15 between each sibling’s affirmation so they have time to hear and absorb it.
2. Reducing resentment: Feelings of bitterness build up between siblings when they don’t know how to have hard conversations or express big emotions. Creating a safe place for them to share their feelings about a specific issue (not each other!) reduces the boiling point and slowly opens creative thinking and problem solving. Clarify ground rules of equal talk time (a few minutes each turn), no interrupting, and no name calling or personal attacks, allowing them to find their own solution in their own time (frequent short conversations are better than one long one). This is key to developing self advocacy and setting boundaries
3. Alleviate jealousy: Teens are naturally insecure as part of their adolescent brain development so they perceive even subtle differences as a threat, judging each as better or worse. This constant comparison turns to envy and fuels fears of not being good enough or less than.
   Use your daily affirmations for each sibling (see #1 above) to point out unique qualities that celebrate their differences. This removes the need to fit it and supports belonging – feeling loved, seen, and appreciated as they are.
4. Offering Attention: Teens want and need your undivided attention on a regular basis, and see it as a measure of their worth and your love for them. When it feels unfair, they withdraw or escalate from the pain of rejection, feeding more competition and jealousy with their siblings. This is challenging when one sibling requires more emotional soothing, support with learning or behaviours, or driving for sports or hobbies. Aim for quality over quantity (not always equal) by spending intentional solo time in a meaningful way for them. Honor their love language in small ways without spending a lot of money and be sure to listen more than you talk.

5. Validate feelings: Teens are emotionally reactive and hypersensitive to judgement and criticism, so the slightest move by their sibling might feel like the end of the world. And to them, it is. When emotions escalate, your teen can’t reason their way through the situation.

All feelings are human, even when they’re uncomfortable. Offering empathy without needing to agree or fix their feelings supports their brain to regulate and open to reasoning with their sibling (no lectures!). Empathising with them equally shows them their feelings are both right and don’t need to align before finding a solution.

If improving your teen sibling relationship feels more complicated than simple conflict resolution, you’re in the right place.

Using my proven 3-step framework, I’ve helped thousands of parents create calmer connected relationships with their teens, who are then kinder and more respectful of their siblings so everyone wins.

Click below to select your time and watch my free training where I’ll show you how my 3-step framework transforms your relationships and restores hope for your teens.