As a parent of tweens or teens, you’ve likely experienced their reactivity, mood swings, and outbursts that seem to come out of nowhere.
The increased hormones are new territory, with all day complaining and emotional roller coasters.
When your previous soothing approaches aren’t working, it’s normal to feel lost in this journey because patience alone isn’t diffusing the baffling blow ups.
You’ve tried…
- Listening more
- Remaining calm in their emotional storm
- Offering support
… so they calm down faster without feeling shut down or dismissed.
In spite of all that, your teen is getting more angry, spiteful, and distant than ever.
Maybe it’s not WHAT you’re doing, it’s HOW you’re doing it.
Here’s my top strategies for coping with your teens mood swings and outbursts:
- The Paradox of Calmness: It’s counterintuitive when the calmer you are during your teen’s emotional upheavals, the more escalated they get. Your calm is perceived as cold, detached, and even critical. Helping your teen to regulate big emotions means staying engaged with their experience a few notches below their current state. This allows a progressive and safer stepping down process rather than a big leap that’s scary and too much all at once.
- Empathy as a Critical Tool: It’s more than just words or passive phrases you read off a page. Empathy is an active engagement strategy that validates your teenager’s feelings without needing to agree with or fix them. Believing your teen’s experience as true for them bridges the emotional gap so your teen feels safe to share challenges with you, rather than hide them.
Your teen can’t regulate what they aren’t allowed to feel. Shutting them down if big emotions feel scary or disrespectful to you creates a bigger explosion next time. - Emotional Mirroring: This technique involves reflecting back the emotional intensity of your teen in a controlled manner. You’re showing you can connect with the depth of their feelings without becoming involved in or escalated by the situation yourself. By mirroring your teen’s emotions effectively using facial expressions, body language, tone and volume in your voice, you help them feel truly seen and heard, reducing feelings of isolation or judgement.
But…
“…what if using these strategies is like opening Pandora’s box and they get worse?!”
“…I don’t want my teen thinking that kind of disrespectful back talk is ok!”
Being present to your teenager’s emotional experience isn’t throwing fuel on the fire or raising a disrespectful brat…
… but NOT using these strategies just might.
Teaching your teen to effectively express their full range of feelings requires an emotional connection with you.
Get started today using my proven 3-step framework I’m sharing in my free training session. Plus, get insights into building trust and respect without being a passive pushover. Tap the button below for free access!
