I can hear the collective groan as schools reopen and your emotional load balloons faster than your grocery bill in the last 18 months.
UGH! š©
Summer was NOT enough of a break from:
- making lunches they hate or donāt eat because āthereās nothing good to eat in the houseā
- waking your teen up from a slumber deeper than the dead to be on time for school they donāt care about anyway
- checking homework and handing in assignments because procrastination is an elite sport and they canāt seem to remember basic instructions
- monitoring screen time so they do something productive and experience life beyond their bedroom door
Then thereās sports, clubs, and other activities added to your colour coded calendar as you google āhow to clone yourselfā.
All this when your teenagerās moods are a daily roller coaster and perimenopause is playing with your hormones so managing the emotional load and getting a solid sleep feel harder. š©
āMaybe if you slowed down you wouldnāt be so stressedā (insert self righteous tone from the āperfectā mom or ālovingā family member)
I wanted to throat punch people who said such insensitive comments without any understanding of my life, yelling,…
āYou have no idea how much I have on my plate! I dare you to try and do it better.ā
Yet just below my anger, I was asking, āWhy canāt anyone see how hard this is? Why canāt anyone see me?ā š„ŗ
And below that, my truth that lived only in my head and never dared to speak, yet slipped out through tears while alone in my car or at night on my pillow,…
āIām hanging on by my fingernails. Iām exhausted to the bone, my eyes are burning and my head is screaming for quiet and rest.ā
I desperately wanted to rest, I just didnāt know how.
I believed over-functioning, performing, and productivity was normal š¤·āāļø, the price of admission for being a worthy human to earn approval and acceptance.ā¦
Ā ā¦ prioritizing everyone and everything above myself because that made me selfless
ā¦ saying YES to everything and everyone because I was a caring, fun friend
ā¦ driving myself past my limits so I was useful, helpful, purposeful with my time
BUSY was my badge of honor, as if the number of tasks I crammed in a day made me lovableā¦ enough.
The problem isnāt your calendar, itās your construct of how life is supposed to be.
All the crazy, unsustainable expectations of how youāre supposed to be a woman, a wife, a mom, how you keep your home, your career, your carā¦ plus everything your teen says and does in their education, activities, online, social life.
Itās sucking the life out of you so youāre not the person or parent you want to be.
You lack patience, compassion, and perspective so itās harder to be the regulated voice of reason in your teenās emotional storm.
And hereās the worst partā¦
As I was preaching self care to my teens – getting enough sleep, eating healthy food, time management, setting priorities, etc., I was modelling the opposite – over-functioning and exhausted as normalā¦. because they do what you do, not what you say.Ā
Oh snap ššš¼āāļøšÆ
Baby stepping into self care and slowing down.
The thought of doing less made me anxious and panicky because my entire identity was tangled in external markers, so I started with slowing my mind first.
- 3-5 minutes/day of slow, deep breaths
- Sit outside in the morning sun for 3 minutes with my breakfast or smoothie
- Go for short walks instead of working out
- Laying down with my eyes closed for 5-10 minutes during the day, and even napping
- Turn off technology an hour before bed to lower blue light stimulation
- Listen to calming music or meditation apps while getting ready for bed
- Get to bed 15 minutes earlier and journal all the things in my head
- Stretch for 5 minutes before bed
- Go to yoga classes instead of Zumba
I started with one thing for 5 minutes/day,… and my brain LOVED it, craving more!
Every few weeks Iād add another 5 minutes of self-care. Then my body started feeling calmer, I was less reactive, sleeping better, and doing less felt easier. Guess what else happened?
My teens started taking better care of themselves without my reminders, becauseā¦
ā¦ they do what you do, not what you say.
I see you. Youāre doing the best you can but you never seem to get ahead or itās never enough.
What if I told you thereās a safe community where your pain and struggles are welcomed and understood? A place you felt heard, encouraged, and empowered to feel calmer, more authentic, and more connected to yourself, and your teen?
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Find the community of your dreams and have me walk with you on this journey! Click below to select and time and Iāll see you there.
See you soon,
