You’re sitting at the table as you family finishes eating dinner. You set down your cutlery, make eye contact with your teen and say, “(NAME), you’re on dishes tonight, ok?” Maybe you’re asking or it was already their turn and you’re just reminding them.
Your teen looks away and mumbles, “Mm-hmm.”
Every fibre of your being wants to believe your teen but the pattern feels all too familiar and you don’t know how to end this exhausting cycle. Your stress level begins to rise as you forecast an evening of reminding, impending nagging and a possible blow up.
How are you supposed to trust them when they don’t follow through?
What if you I told you that breaking the pattern meant changing YOUR thinking before your teen changes THEIR behaviour?
In 1960, Douglas McGregor formulated Theory X and Theory Y suggesting two aspects of human behaviour at work (yes, it applies to parenting too).
Theory X managers tend to:
- take a pessimistic view of their people, assuming they’re naturally unmotivated and dislike work
- assume people dislike work and must be coerced, controlled, and directed toward organizational goals
- assume people have little ambition, and are unwilling to take responsibility
- motivate with a “carrot and stick” approach
- operate from a lack of trust
- use an authoritarian style of management that involves micromanaging
Research shows the response to Theory X management style is higher levels of procrastination, shirking responsibility, lack of ownership, and low productivity. The manager’s lack of trust becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy requiring more micromanagement with higher levels of ‘motivation and rewards’ that only work short term, if at all.
Theory Y managers tend to:
- Have optimistic opinion of their people, and use participative management style
- Give people greater responsibility and encourage them to develop their skills while suggesting improvements
- Assume people seek and accept responsibility with little need for direction
- Believe people solve problems creatively and imaginatively
- Have a collaborative approach and Involve people in decision making
- Creating opportunities for upward movement
Theory Y management has regular appraisals used to encourage staff and open communication. Staff are empowered to express their own values within their roles creating internal motivation and more meaningful work environments.
What style of parent are you?
Waiting for your teen to change FIRST so you can change your parenting style is a losing game, much as it might feel safer because you have no skin in the game and keep your story of how lazy and irresponsible your teen is.
The truth is, it’s YOUR move.
Theory X managers can and have been converted to Theory Y managers, or a solid middle ground, by owning their fear that drives control, understanding the nuances of trust and emotional connection to empower and support internal motivation in their staff.
Are you ready to change your mind?
Building emotional safety, belonging and meaningful connection as the foundation for greater trust and respect is the foundation of all my programs. Although The Empowered Parent Mastermind LIVE program is now closed and started yesterday, I’ve created another way for you to jump in.
The Self-Paced program with the same powerful, proven content, a private community, lifetime access and a guarantee (Zoom Q&A sessions NOT included) is now available with early bird savings, but only for a limited time.
You’ll get my top strategies and tools covering these topics:
- Generational and parenting beliefs
- Love languages and personality styles
- Setting boundaries and holding consequences
- Lying, trust and forgiveness
- Toxic communication and feedback
- Mental Health and big emotions
- Friendships, dating and sex
- Social media, gaming, and privacy
It’s time to make the shift from Theory X to Theory Y while creating a more open, honest relationship with your teen, even if you’re overwhelmed and at your wits end. Register for my FREE masterclass below and learn the top 3 mistakes EVERY parent makes and WHY those drive even more defiance and painful disconnection.
