I get it. So where’s the line?
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Remember when your toddler was learning to walk and they didn’t get it right about 1000x or more? Remember how you kept picking them up and encouraging them to try again while kissing all their bumps and bruises better?
Do you ever put your toddler in a time out after the 10th, 50th or 100th time because they just weren’t getting it right? Likely not.
“But my teen knows better!”
No, they don’t. Just because they’re almost as tall as you, can get dressed and use the bathroom by themselves doesn’t mean their brain is fully developed yet. In fact, they just got a hardware upgrade creating more complex thoughts and emotions, but their software install needed to process those takes years to complete AND requires your mentorship and guidance along the way… just like your toddler did.
Shutting your teen down or jumping to consequences means they don’t learn better or more effective ways to share or self-advocate. They internalize a message that big emotions are bad, not allowed and they feel shamed and unloved in their hardest, most vulnerable moments.
Instead, letting your teen know you want to hear their thoughts and feelings and they matter to you while helping your teen refine their delivery is the messy and only way to build trust, respect, and connection.
Finding that messy middle takes patience and vulnerability.
Throughout my healing journey and raising two sons, I’ve learned one thing can transform a relationship and you can do it anytime, for free.
Listen.
I’ve released my biggest pain when I felt deeply heard and witnessed. I felt emotionally safe when I felt heard without interruption, judgement or fixing. I’ve wrestled limiting beliefs and low self-confidence to move forward with clarity and resolve were when I felt heard.
“But what about…”
Exactly. Your brain is often more concerned with interrupting or responding so you’re not actually present and listening. The current data shows we’re checked out after 7 seconds. Only 7!!
Feeling heard is critical for emotional and intellectual growth.
A place or person to banter back and forth with, to throw things against the proverbial wall and see what sticks. A safe place to sift through developing values and beliefs and decided what you really stand for.
Listening can calm conflict.
With everything going in the world, there’s a deep cry to feel heard, seen and understood in our challenges. Listening to understand, being curious about your teen rather than formulated a response is critical to creating a solid foundation for your relationship into the adult years (and avoid more painful conflict).
Click below to register for my FREE masterclass and learn how to transform your moody, hormonal teen into a compliant, respectful human without the daily nagging or punishments.
