What your teen isn’t telling you—and why it’s not defiance.
How ADHD and Anxiety Make Teens Hide Schoolwork (and What You Can Do About It)
I was standing nearby when I heard it…
…a mom asking her teenage son about homework. Her voice sharp, his shoulders tense.
He tried to explain what was due, what he’d already handed in, what was still missing.
But no matter what he said, she cut him off.
“Stop lying. You’re lying. You’re a liar.”
Her tone got louder. His voice got smaller.
The Hidden Message Your Teen Hears
And right there, I watched something inside him collapse—like rain washing away a sandcastle.
Maybe he had lied before. Most teens do.
But what I saw in that moment wasn’t defiance.
It was fear.
And I get it. When your teen lies, it doesn’t just sting; it shakes your faith that they’re becoming a good person.
You’ve worked hard to raise someone honest and respectful.
So of course you correct lying. It feels like your duty as a loving parent, a moral line you can’t afford to blur.
But most of us were taught that honesty comes from consequences, not connection.
And for today’s teens, especially those wired with ADHD or anxiety, fear doesn’t make them more truthful. It makes them better at hiding.
I know that pressure firsthand.
As a teen, I pushed myself to be perfect: straight-A student, award-winning athlete, even the perfect body.
By twelve, I was starving myself and taking diet pills, convinced that if I could just be better, I’d finally feel safe and loved.
But no matter how hard I tried, it never felt like enough.
Every mistake felt like proof I’d failed.
And when I did tell the truth, I wasn’t believed.
So eventually, I stopped believing in myself too.
That’s what mistrust does. It erodes a teen’s sense of self until anxiety fills every space where confidence should be.
They start saying whatever keeps the peace instead of what’s true, because honesty feels too risky.
The ADHD + Anxiety Connection
If your teen has ADHD or anxiety, lying or hiding schoolwork isn’t defiance… it’s protection.
ADHD brains are impulsive and wired for avoidance when shame or overwhelm hit.
Anxious teens crave safety so deeply that even the thought of disappointing you can trigger panic.
So they avoid the assignment that feels impossible.
They say “I already did it” when they haven’t even started. They close the laptop when you walk in.
“They don’t lie because they don’t care—they lie because they care too much and can’t face the wave of self-blame that follows.”
When you understand what’s happening underneath, you stop fighting their fear and start helping them face it.
How the Cycle Breaks
One mom in my program decided to try something different.
Her daughter had been lying constantly about missing assignments, borrowing money, even taking small things from her room.
She wasn’t ignoring the lies or pretending they didn’t matter.
She led with trust instead of suspicion.
For 30 days, she chose to believe her daughter was a truth-teller.
She still asked questions, but from curiosity, not condemnation.
And within a month, the lying stopped.
That doesn’t mean you let everything slide.
It means you stop fighting the symptom long enough to reach the cause.
Because when a teen feels believed, they begin to act like someone worthy of belief.
You’re not wrong for wanting honesty.
You’re trying to teach integrity, not raise an entitled kid who thinks truth is optional.
But integrity doesn’t grow from fear. It grows from feeling safe enough to be honest, even when it’s messy or inconvenient.
If your teen’s ADHD or anxiety is making honesty feel impossible, it’s not because you’ve failed. It’s because they’re scared.
And that’s where your greatest influence begins.
You don’t need another lecture. You need a new language.
Inside How to End the School Power Struggle, you’ll learn how to talk so your teen finally admits what’s really due, opens the laptop without being chased, and starts taking ownership—so school feels like teamwork, not tug-of-war.
P.S. If you’re sick of being the “bad cop” every day and wondering if your teen will ever turn things around, you don’t have to carry that fear alone. This is where your teen starts taking responsibility for school, chores, and their choices—without you forcing it: [Start Here]